When we’re children our parents say that “honesty is the best policy” and we’re told “not to lie”. Then we grow up and realise just how often they’ve lied to us. Very rarely, they lie about big things, and we can only hope that it was for a good reason. More often, they’ve told us little lies that make their lives easier — this is what we’re looking at today. At Tiny Tree, Little Angels and Newbank Nursery we do our best not to contradict the parents. With that said, some of the stories are just brilliantly implausible. So we asked our team what lies their parents had told them when they were at that age. Maybe your parents have told you some of the brilliant stories below, maybe you’ve told them to your kids already. Maybe you’re here looking for inspiration, and we’re not judging you for that, promise.
I hate the sound of the hoover
“As a very small child, my mum told me that she hated the sound of the hoover running. Rather amazingly, every time we had a disagreement from the time I was 3, the hoover was in my line of sight. So whenever I was mad, I’d get out the hoover and follow my mum around the house, hoovering wherever she went… This went on till I was 15, when I finally realised she’d been tricking me for more than a decade.”
Charlie the elf
“My niece is exceptionally well behaved for 2 months every year, and I couldn’t figure out why until I went to visit one weekend. Inspired by the book ‘Elf on the Shelf’ my brother bought a soft toy elf, called Charlie. Charlie comes out around the same time as all the Christmas toy adverts start playing on TV. Every day, my brother puts the elf in a different area of the living room or the kitchen. Then he tells my niece that Charlie is watching, and at night goes back to report to Santa about her behaviour before Christmas. So when she starts misbehaving, my brother just looks at the soft toy elf and my niece’s behaviour magically corrects itself.
I wonder how many more years he can get away with that.”
Santa loves single malts
“One year, my granddad told me that he’d bumped into Santa when he was delivering presents the year beforehand. The story goes that my granddad offered him some milk and cookies, but Santa refused. Santa told my granddad that EVERYONE gave him milk and cookies, and actually, he really wanted something else for a change. What did he want? Apparently, he wanted a nice, neat single malt Scotch. So every year after that, I left a carrot for the reindeer and my granddad left a single whiskey for Santa. Now I’m 20, and instead of leaving single malts for Santa, I leave them for my granddad. That lying legend deserves the whiskey just for being that creative.”
Don’t wake the sleeping badger
“To save my childhood joy, my dad told me that the animals on the side of the road were just napping. When I asked why, he said they enjoyed the warmth that came from the tarmac. It wasn’t until the next winter that his story fell apart.”
“For 5 years my dad said he was 51, even when it was his next birthday, he’d say he was his 51st birthday! When we confronted him about this, he’d insist that we must’ve gotten his age wrong and assumed he was a year older (again). This went on until his 60th, when my uncle threw a massive party for him. Just so he couldn’t weasel out of it, my uncle even had a banner printed with my dad’s name and age on it.”
“My friend’s mum told her she was allergic to Pringles and Smarties, specifically those two products. She could eat any other candies or crisps, just not those two. It wasn’t until she moved out to university that her mum told her she had never really been allergic. Turns out, she just didn’t want to share the Pringles or Smarties!”
What white lies did your parents tell you, and when did you figure out they weren’t telling the truth? Did it start when you were at nursery, or was it even before that?